All The Way My Savior Leads Me: A Song From the House of My Sojourning
Can a song be a friend? Yes! I have found a friend in the old hymn All The Way My Savior Leads Me written by Fanny Crosby in 1875. This hymn and I became close friends on a journey that crushed me yet drove me straight into the everlasting arms of my beautiful Jesus. I found deep truth and sound doctrine in every line that echoed the truth of Scripture and mirrored the cries of my exhausted, broken heart.
My twin boys were born via urgent c-section at 36 weeks of gestation. I was thrust unceremoniously into caregiving around the clock. Exhaustion and overwhelm rose to crush me at every turn, but this hymn was a wellspring of truth that stabilized my faltering soul.
All the way my Savior leads me,
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well.
I sang these words as my heart's cry and prayer. Matthew’s needs were becoming increasingly obvious; my disappointment and sadness rose like a flood. In defiance of my isolating and exhausting circumstances, I often sang out, “For I know whate’er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well;. . . “. My Savior knew of my plight and was doing His deep and holy work in me and in the difficult place I dwelt. Scripture declared He was always with me. That meant He had not abandoned me, though the days were long and the nights short. In the midst of it all, He was doing all things well.
All the way my Savior leads me,
Cheers each winding path I tread,
Gives me grace for every trial,
Feeds me with the living Bread.
Though my weary steps may falter
And my soul athirst may be,
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see;
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see.
Time passed, and Matthew's severe special needs were confirmed. He began having seizures at eighteen months old. His care was hands-on and heavy. Sadness and disappointment were often my only companions. The swirling vortex of depression and despair was forever near, wooing me towards the “ease” of giving up.
However, my Jesus was closer still. His nearness and tender presence lifted my gaze toward the light of truth and His word. Whether I was sitting with Matthew in the ER or struggling through another droning afternoon of caregiving, my Jesus was tenderly leading, feeding my battle-weary soul with the bread of truth, and refreshing my spirit in the gushing streams of living water.
All the way my Savior leads me,
Oh, the fullness of His love!
Perfect rest to me is promised
In my Father’s house above.
When my spirit, clothed immortal,
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages:
Jesus led me all the way;
This my song through endless ages:
Jesus led me all the way.
In the midst of all the madness, my Jesus dropped a massive download upon me. He wanted me to tell the boys’ story, the tale of our journey and His faithfulness on this hard road. He wanted me to write a book; His download took root like a seed in fertile soil.
Matthew’s needs escalated. Our life became a maddening merry-go-round of illness, seizures, more medications, surgeries, and lengthy hospitalizations. I was losing him.
Following another lengthy hospitalization, Matthew came home on hospice. We prepared to let him wing his flight “... to realms of day...”, where he would be delivered from the broken body and special needs that plagued him. In the wee hours of a January night, Matthew’s soul took flight into eternal life. He was home free!
The thick swirling fog of heavy grief descended upon my soul. I was leveled by my loss, bleeding out beneath the fog. My Jesus sent skilled and tender people to care for my soul and reminded me of the germinating seed He placed within me years before. It was time to write the story. Through tears, I took up the practice of writing in Matthew’s room and began to reclaim that space as my writing studio. Day after day, I poured out my story onto the page. Day after day, He was faithful to tend the seed He planted within me and cause it to grow.
That seed He dropped years ago, has germinated, and is now bursting through the soil of the barren place in the form of a book. That book is entitled Thriving the in Barren Place: How Trust in God Fueled My Journey Through Heartache and Loss. It is scheduled for publication on July 1, 2025. He has been so faithful to accomplish this beautiful work!
He has been so tender and faithfully present through the journey that began with preemie twin boys. It twisted up winding paths of struggle and heartache, and ended on that January night as Matthew flew to Jesus. With a grateful and humble heart, once again I take up the song that became my friend on my journey through heartache and loss:
“This my song through endless ages: Jesus lead me all the way.”