It was my first winter as a new mom to my preemie boys. The workload and isolation were slowly crushing me. The brutal reality of Matthew’s emerging needs frightened me and broke my heart. I knew Scripture and practiced basic spiritual disciplines from an early age. I was doing my best to use those tools and practices to survive in these daunting and heartbreaking circumstances. I prayed fervently for God to show me the way forward.
Solid teaching poured into my kitchen in a steady stream through Christian radio, supplemented by the quiet times that happened in early mornings or late at night. As I prayed for His guidance, an image recurred in my mind. It was the image of a stone fortress rising from the bleak landscape of the barren place.
This image linked arms with a Scripture passage from 2 Peter 1:3, and gave me the clear direction I sought.
His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness... 1 Peter 1:3
He wanted me to take the simple tools and resources at my disposal, and the basic spiritual skills I already knew, and use them to build a strong and stalwart faith that would rise from the bleak landscape of the barren place like a mighty fortress.
I was shocked that He didn’t coddle me, even in my exhausting and unrelenting circumstances. However, I knew it was the right path, although not the easy one. His goal was to make me gritty and battle-hardened, and that does not happen in comfort and ease.
He gave me the raw materials I needed to rise and build. In this proverbial fortress, He and I would dwell together as friend with Friend. He had already supplied the blueprint in His word. He had already laid the foundation, and in a way, He was the structure personified. He was the Architect, my divine Foremen, Guide, and Friend. In the building process, He became the Lover of my Soul.
He expected me to mine the Scripture for myself, and cut stones of truth from its quarry. He expected me to use the truth rising from His Word and streaming into my kitchen through Christian radio. From that vast reservoir of truth, I would build a sturdy structure to protect my boys and me and anchor me to Him.
Like the medieval builders who constructed massive fortresses with the simple tools available to them, and the basic building practices of laying bricks with mortar, chiseling stone, and shaping timbers, I was doing the same. I was building a faith fortress in the barren place using the simple tools within my hands, and the basic spiritual practices I already knew.
Granted, I would need to gain strength and deepen my skills to become proficient in their use, because they kept me close to Him. Staying close to Him was my only hope of survival in this barren place.
I found the most basic, yet rich resource at my disposal was Scripture. I grew up reading Scripture, but it had never been as vital to my survival as it was now. It was foundational; it was life and breath to me. By it, and through it, I could sink my soul into Him as His word is actually alive with His presence.
Each time I wrestled through a Scripture passage as I folded laundry, praying over it and applying it to my long days and short nights, I was hewing stone from the quarry of Scriptures. As I sought His strength to carry out His ways, I was laying bricks with mortar to build the fortress walls higher and stronger.
I also grew up praying, but never before had I so needed Him as I now did. Prayer was my direct communication line with God. Through Scripture, God talked to me, and I responded to Him through prayer. We talked about the teaching I heard on Christian radio and what I was reading in Scripture.
Along the way, I found prayer was a means of building intimate friendship with God. He and I talked about everything; nothing was off limits. The private thoughts I shared with no other human I said to Him in prayer. He was always available to listen, and would listen as long as I would talk to Him.
I found that whenever I turned to prayer, I was doing several beneficial things at once. I was offloading my burdens to the care of the only One truly capable of helping; I was binding myself more tightly to His word, while simultaneously deepening my intimacy with Him. In the process, I was shaping massive stones for my faith fortress, and securing them in place.
Though it grated upon my pride, I found that I grew stronger when I took action and did what He asked of me. It also unlocked the untapped potential lying dormant within both Scripture and prayer. When I acted in trusting and faithful obedience, I gained strength to pray more boldly and confidently. My faith grew stronger the more I took action, and my trust in His word became increasingly resilient.
As I went about the menial tasks of caregiving, it became apparent that each of these foundation stones interlocked with one another, and together formed a framework of uncanny strength. Each fed and strengthened the other, and in the process, bound me more tightly to Him.
I also found that intimacy with Him was born in this barren place as together He and I worked to build this faith fortress. Gradually, a sturdy structure rose from the bleak landscape. I didn’t realize how strong those walls had grown until the next storm hit. One day I found myself in another driving rain of harsh and unyielding circumstances. It seemed my soul was protected within an unseen fortress even as I was drenched in my difficult circumstances.
I noticed that I was different–unshaken in the storm.
It was then that I knew by experience that He had indeed directed me down the right path–not the easy path, but the right one. It strengthened my resolve to deepen my skills further and become increasingly proficient with the simple tools and basic practices. By them, He was making me a fearless and gritty faith warrior and teaching me to stand resolute in what would prove to be a longstanding and pounding storm.
I would survive this journey by staying close to Him, and in this faith fortress He dwelt with me, and I with Him. It was the safest, most precious and intimate place, and I would choose no other. For there, the Ancient of Days became my dearest Friend, and the Holy One became the Lover of my Soul.