Two Words

It’s January. The party is over. It’s back to the old routine. Back to school, back to work, and back to the grindstone. With January comes a cold dose of reality; bills and bathroom scales declare the brutal facts in unison. The peppermint mochas are off the menu; now is the time for a strong black coffee. 

On my newsfeed, trim ladies in workout gear tout their slogan: “New Year, New You!” Others seem tremendously pumped about their new day planner, their cleaning, or organizing routines. In my mind, however, two words slap against the walls of my mind like the sleet against my kitchen window: gray sameness. 

Gray stretches out before me-- steely sky, sleet splatting on my window. It mirrors the dullness and lethargy within me.

Sameness reminds me that this isn’t my first January. I’ve made the promises before-- to myself and my God. I’ve also watched them fizzle out like a New Year’s Eve sparkler—sputter away like a party balloon. I know myself too well; I am well acquainted with my failures. The accuser stands poised to repeatedly fling my failure in my face. He is very willing to loudly drone the gray sameness chant. He gladly urges me down the twisting, slippery path I’ve followed many times. I already know it leads to the foul swamp of despair.

I also know the clarion voice of truth; that pathway is flooded with light and hope. Pushing aside the droning chant of gray sameness, I gather up my old friends—Bible, notebook, and coffee. In the half-light of early morning, I seek the solid ground of truth. Flopping my Bible open, I find my passage and push forward. There in my chair, the clarion call of truth resounds as the Almighty speaks. 

“When you send forth your Spirit, they are created, and you renew the face of the earth. Psalm 104:30”. 

There in my chair, two fresh words arise. They arise to replace and oppose gray sameness. They are create and renew. My emotions say gray sameness, yet He covers them with renew and create.

Creation speaks of life and beauty arising from nothingness—like the flatness and torpidity within me.

Renewal lifts my gaze toward His power to transform my sadness and lassitude into vibrance and holy purpose.

The old battle ensues between the droning chant within me and the clarion call of truth. Truth does not discount my emotions but recognizes them as fickle and unreliable guides. It points me instead to the stability and solid ground of Scripture.

 I have followed those fickle and unreliable guides enough to know that when I do so, their voice becomes increasingly louder. Predictably, they lead me down a steep, slippery path toward the swampland of despair. I soon find myself slogging about in the foul slough, wondering how I ended up there. However, as I stay near the clear voice of truth, I remain on solid ground; I stay in the light. 

Yes, it is January. The holiday hubbub has quieted. It’s back to business. However, when the gray sameness chant arises within me, I can acknowledge it, but I needn’t follow it. I know where it will take me; it’s a swampland I don’t want to revisit. 

However, I will offer my colorless doldrums to my Father; I will follow the clarion voice of truth. I will stand upon solid ground and walk in the path of light. Even when all I feel is gray sameness, I trust Him to transform my barrenness into beauty and bounty. I will rest my weary soul in this truth: As I lift my emptiness and inertia to Him, He alone can make it burst with vitality and glow with sacred calling. 

For these truths remain fixed in the heavens and upon the earth:

The Scripture is rock-solid truth in written form. Jesus is woven into every word. 

No matter how I feel, truth keeps me on solid ground and walking in the light.

I am redeemed because of His sacrifice and His grace poured out upon me. 

God wins. Christ is King! 

These truths remain, even beneath the steely January sky--and even as the sleet continues to pelt my kitchen window.