Woven in the Waiting

My son, Luke, was leaving home for the first time; he had his own apartment and was starting graduate school. As he left, I wanted to send something with him to remind him of home, his mother’s love, and constant prayers. I picked up my crochet hook and skeins of yarn in his favorite colors, then began crocheting an afghan for him in charcoal gray and deep crimson. Stitch upon stitch, row upon row, I intertwined the vibrant crimson with the gray.

Though it seemed unrelated to Luke’s afghan, I recently came across the Hebrew word qavah. It appears in the phrase “…wait for the Lord, my soul waits,…” 

“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen wait for the morning, more than the watchmen wait for the morning.  Psalm 130:5-6

The image of Luke’s afghan rose in my mind with the crimson intertwined row upon row with the gray. How could the idea of waiting upon God and being intertwined have anything to do with one another? The more I pondered this, the more it became clear. 

Could this intertwining process refer to our mindset during the season of waiting? We can stew and impatiently fuss, or we can take the crimson thread of truth and loop it into the dismal gray of our circumstances as we pray and wait for His answer. As we intertwine the truth of Scripture in and through our time of waiting, we are practicing qavah. In the process, we knit our souls to Him and His word even as we stand knee-deep in our bleak circumstances. In our waiting, we are woven to Him and His word.

As a new mom to my preemie twins, I did not know the Hebrew word qavah, its literal meaning, and its connection to waiting upon God. However, it is what I was doing each time I reminded myself of the truth of Scripture as I continued to pray and wait in expectation. Each time I took up that crimson thread of truth and wove it through my overwhelming and heartbreaking circumstances, I was practicing qavah.

“For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: I dwell in a high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and revive the heart of the contrite.” Isaiah 57:15

I often reached for this vibrant thread of truth that told me my God was all-powerful, and holding all things together, yet He was also intimately acquainted with the menial dullness of my days and of Matthew’s ongoing struggles.

“He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.” Isaiah 40:11

This Scripture pointed me to the Holy One who stooped to walk with me.  I also came to know Him as the tender shepherd who gently guided and held my boys and me. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Again and again He urged me to choose to trust Him rather than my own human understanding.  My human understanding told me God was cruel and I was alone. It told me that my boys and I were forgotten and forsaken in our quiet pocket of the world.  

Truth told me He would never abandon me; He saw and heard everything. Heaven was well aware of my plight. Truth told me God’s ways, though hard now, held deep and holy purpose. My human reasoning told me to stop wasting time with prayer. It was pointless, and God would just say “no” again. Truth encouraged me to persevere in prayer and continue to pour out my heart to Him. Each time I prayed once more instead of quitting, I was practicing qavah; and in the waiting, I was woven ever tighter to Him.  

We took Matthew home from the hospital the final time; he entered hospice care. In those strange, heavy days I found myself grasping for this crimson thread of  Scripture.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” Isaiah 43:2-7 

Here, He promised to plunge with me into the rushing black water ahead of us.  When I “passed through the waters”, He would be with me; they would not overtake me. He would carry me the whole way.  

This practice of qavah does not happen by accident. It takes place as we view our circumstances with clear eyes, yet know the truth of Scripture carries greater weight than them all. 

Our hearts, minds, and souls are so tightly woven to Him and His word that, though the waiting feels crushing, we will hold fast to Him and the truth. He has knit our souls to Him in the waiting. Stitch by stitch, we have become inseparable as His word is woven into the fabric of our souls, and we are changed in the waiting. We find He is the true joy and treasure, even more desired than the outcome we awaited.

Though life’s trials threaten to pull us apart thread by thread, they cannot tear Him from us, or us from Him. They cannot tear us apart because in the waiting and the praying we practiced qavah–and were woven to Him in the waiting.